5. Team Talk

Let’s talk work…

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God, I’m bored already.



The thing I’ve found with bipolar and never wanting to let on just how difficult things are for me is that I have to be constantly aware of what others around me think. ‘There’s that weird girl that giggles to herself and talks in riddles.’ That’s not the girl I want to be by any means. I work hard NOT to be that person and it can be exhausting. It’s also upsetting to admit that I feel that way, but how many of us can say the words ‘I work hard not to be me’? How many of us are unhappy with our inner thoughts?

You normal people out there aren’t that far from where I am, you know. You’re one stressful period, one depressive episode or one trauma away, in fact. You think I don’t see you all walking around smiling to yourselves? Laughing at the conversations that take place in your heads? I’m just a little more evolved in that I’ve also developed personalities… some with bank accounts of their own.

I try to be someone else so that I can have the life I want, not the life I could end up with if I gave in to this condition. And I think it would be easy to give in some days. Just stay in bed on bad days and dance around the street in wellies, vest and knickers on good days. People would just shake their heads and thank their lucky stars that’s not one of their kids out there making mud pies and talking to the bus.

Anyway, we were talking about work! I’m contracting at the moment which is exciting because you get to learn a lot and you have no commitment. It’s almost the perfect way to be for someone with my condition. As soon as it stops being exciting you move on, kick them to the curb, run away laughing and mooning the office on your way out… ok, so that’s more of a Janice move. But they definitely wouldn’t be getting a Christmas card from me if I left.

Currently I work for an IT firm. It’s fantastic. I always wanted to be a specky four eyes techno geek and now I’m one of the non-technical variety. I never knew when watching ‘The IT Crowd’ that life ACTUALLY is like that in the world of IT. Everyone here has an amazing sense of humour and I’m not sure if it’s because of the fact they were ALL bullied relentlessly in school but they have formed a band of brothers in which jolly japes and tom-foolery abound.

I was recently integrated into this band when the network team presented me with a mug stating ‘I love Spreadsheets’ on my birthday. I’m telling you people, there were tears.

My colleague Noel is very methodical and thorough in his work. His laugh makes me want to double up. Imagine Baloo (from Jungle Book) meets donkey (from Shrek).

Sean is my boss. He’s absolutely lovely but when he gets stressed he starts swearing without swearing. I’ve never heard so many bother’s, frig off’s and fudges in all my life.

Alfy is my third and final colleague. He’s definitely real. I’ve checked. He knows every place to eat around the city (which is quite big for a short person like me). Unfortunately Alfy ISN’T a short person like me. He’s a massive person with long, gangly legs. I felt like I’d run a mini marathon by the end of lunch when he'd shown me round, and I was so hungry I had to buy TWO sandwiches.

There are many traditions where I work. I know not how many of them started but one of my favourites is the ‘Night, Phil,’ gag. This has been running every evening for some years as far as I can make out but recently a new twist was added to an old favourite.

So, to fill you in on the joke, we have a guy named Phil who is responsible for the Domino Server and email accounts. He sits at the very far end of the office. I’m in the middle and then there’s another team further up from me. Every evening Phil gets up, walks through his department and each and every member in turn says ‘Night Phil.’ The first day I was here I didn’t really notice it but it happens every night and now every night it makes me giggle. ‘Night Phil.’ ‘Night Phil.’ ‘Bye Phil…’ (You probably have to be there).

So anyway, this week Phil was leaving and we had the ‘Night Phil,’ routine, when he spotted someone up the other end of the office and headed off up there. Five minutes later one of his colleagues wandered out of his department, spotted Phil and turned to say to his team ‘Hey everyone, Phil’s still here.’ To which they all responded in turn ‘Hi Phil,’ ‘Hi Phil’, ‘Alright Phil’.

It was very funny… I promise you.