7. You Can’t Miss What You Don’t Remember Having

Things have been going downhill lately. Since last Wednesday I’ve started sleeping for at least 12 hours a night, I have no energy and my memory is REALLY suffering.

I hadn’t realised before now but for the last 6 to 8 weeks I’ve been on a bit of a high. I’ve felt excited all the time, motivated to work really hard and get lots done and I’ve been achieving loads. I even thought my memory was improving dramatically. Then last week, for some reason, I started to crash.

I went home Wednesday night feeling a little tired, got in around 7pm and by 7.30 I was in bed and asleep. I didn’t think too much of it until the next morning when I noticed that not only did I feel exhausted but I didn’t have the usual jittery feeling I get in my chest when I’m excited and which had been with me the past 2 months. It had disappeared over night and the motivated, go-getting me had been replaced by a teletubby. And did I tell you that my memory is absolutely shot?

I had a meeting with my boss that basically turned into one giant game of charades. I couldn’t remember a thing I was going to talk to him about and my notes from go-getter me weren’t detailed enough to fill in the gaps. I spent the entire hour waving my arms around and making hand gestures (most of them polite). ‘You know the thing you asked me to do last week,’ I say hoping that from the 1000 things he’s working on at present he will pick out the exact thing I’m referring to, because otherwise this conversation is screwed. ‘Er,’ he starts and I scan my notes quickly for clues. ‘The contract work?’ ‘No,’ I say, I think it was another thing. To do with resellers.’ ‘Oh yes,’ he says, setting back into his seat, happy that he has helped. ‘How did you get on?’ ‘Well,’ I say, gesturing wildly, I don’t know why. Perhaps the recesses of my mind have dug up some Derren Brown style trickery and the gesturing is designed to hypnotise him into thinking I know what I’m doing. It doesn’t appear to be working. The whole meeting goes on like this with him guessing whether I’m talking about a book, a film or a contract! By the end of the meeting we’re both exhausted and I feel like I have a lot more sympathy for Lionel Blair. His job was HARD!

Oh, and just one more thing. My memory! Oh my god, you wouldn’t believe how bad it is now!!